“It’s no surprise to me May 22, 2009

I am my own worst enemy. Cause every now and then I kick the living shit outta me” ~Lit

This describes my life. I am constantly kicking myself, bringing myself down, torturing myself. Making fun of myself, not taking care of myself and so on.

I want to change this. I do. It’s such a long road though and I really lazy. I am beginning to take baby steps. That’s all I can do. Baby steps. I think I’ve talked about baby steps in a previous post LOL.

Currently I am working on my self-esteem and I have been confronting issues that I have stuffed deep down. Because frankly I just don’t want to deal with it.

I have a lot of anger. A butt-load of anger. And I take it out on the wrong people. I have a family the loves and adores me. Why would I do that. I don’t want to do that anymore… so here we go with Ch-ch-ch-changes!

Ready for a rollercoaster ride?

Dearest Lola May 20, 2009

I want you to know EXACTLY what I think of you. Are you ready for it? Are you?

I think you are an amazingly wonderful and a truly kind friend. You rock my socks off. I don’t say this enough but I appreciate you. You are always there for me when I need you. Open your house and your heart for me. Though our road of friendship hasn’t been the smoothest, we always get through it. I am so honored to have you in my life. Can you believe its going on four years that we’ve known each other?

I love that we’re the complete opposite of each other but that doesn’t stop us from having fun!

I am so happy that you’ve been able to meet someone special. That you and your girlies can share a life and come together with J and his kiddos.

I love you and thank you for being in my life.

Hippymom Weekly May 11, 2009

Who’s important? isweatbutter is important to BunnyGlitter. Gray Gaia searches for ways to manage her time. ahippychick is like a parfait! HippyMom reblogs about integrity, and why it matters. Melia shows off her friend’s newest creative pursuit: the kebstoon! Crazycase remembers… MamaBirdie forms a rescue party, and is reunited with a special little lady.

When she loved me May 8, 2009

Hippymom weekly May 4, 2009

Come meet one of the most Interesting People of the Week EVER on BunnyGlitter: Nova Rimone Newman!

LadyHawk has some Calming Winds to share on the topic of Receiving Nature’s Messages.

Gray Gaia is sharing her love of technology and her nifty new template.

A Hippy Chick has a new blog format, and a few thoughts about the Matthew Sheperd Act.

Grabba Cuppa Joe and sit down for a full update on Sarah’s life!

Melia Lore has her kundalini risin’ as she ponders the value of Passion in our lives.

In My Crazy Life shares her Memories and some Firsts.

Firsts… May 2, 2009

A friend of mine recently mentioned how firsts can be so hard.. It’s been four months since Mimi passed and I still get a flood of emotions just thinking about her. Mimi’s birthday is coming up. Again I hear in my head “the firsts are always hard” *sigh* My mom told me today that they are selling the trailer. I am so angry and upset about it. I won’t say anything though because its not up to me and it’s not my business and I can’t just buy it and move into it. It still hurts. I have so many memories there. I mean good memories, bad memories, embarrassing memories (lol) and so many family get-togethers there. I wonder what Christmas Eve dinner will be like without her this year.

Another thing is my aunt who currently lives there is moving back to Columbus and I am really happy for her because she’ll have a full-time job and get to be back around her grandchildren full-time too! I bet she’s excited, however I have an aunt that lives like 3 blocks from Mimi’s and she’s feeling so alone. I mean she has grown kids and grandchildren but since Mimi passed she just feels so alone because they were always together. I feel so bad for her. I’ve called her once since then and I am feel awful about it. I should call her more and visit when I am there regardless of why we’re in town. The girls and I do pray for her everyday and night. Hopefully things will get better for her soon.

I do miss Mimi, though I didn’t visit her as often as I would’ve liked in the past 10 years. No excuses. I could have, I just didn’t and I should have. I think about her often and I am so glad that I have pictures to show my kids when they are older. Vinnie did get to meet her, though he was very young. But I am sure the girls will remember her and remember playing at her house. I have so many memories and I am glad that the girls will have a few.

It’ll be hard getting through these firsts without her. Her first birthday, the first anniversary of her passing. But I’ll remember the love she had for all of us and smile when I think of her and I think that will help a bit!