I am trying to get past this, get over it, leave it be–whatever. I just can’t. It’s been over 4 weeks since I’ve spoken to his parents. I’ve continuously tried to be respectful and kind. Even if I am not interested, I’ve still listened. When they told me how to raise my kids, I listened, when his mother babbled on about Andy Griffith or crocheting, I listened. Because I was being respectful and it’s something she’s interested in. When they talked about gay people or this lesbian couple she knows and they voiced how much they thought being gay was wrong and having children as a gay couple I gritted my teeth through it. No matter how much it hurt me, no matter how much it offended me. I remained respectful. For four years I have tried to make a good impression on them. Sure it’s been rocky. Mainly because I have to hide who I am, my views, etc and etc and so on. I’ve done that so that the three of us could have a great relationship. That someday I could really be seen as, not just a daughter in law but closer than that. Especially with his dad. Don’t get my wrong I have a great father and I would never want to replace him. His dad is amazing and smart and kind and compassionate. However I have only received one hug from this man, I have to initiate all the conversations. I follow more than just Steelers football just to be able to talk to him about something won’t bore him. I guess I am just an idiot. When all this went down recently he told Caleb that I was a problem from the get-go. Then I went for my drivers test a couple weeks and his parents never asked how it went. He walked past me twice while I waited in the car for Caleb to get the kids in and never said one word to me.. NOTHING at all! Today his father called and left a message that said “Caleb I haven’t heard from you in awhile. Just checking on YOU and the kids.” Nothing about me, not one darn thing. I am just so hurt. Mainly it’s his dad. I’ve tried so hard and haven’t gotten anything in return. I hate that. That’s why I learned to close myself off to people because I am always ALWAYS giving to people and getting nothing or shit on in return. Any and all relationships are supposed to be 50-50 I always find myself giving 60-70-80% I am just sick of it. It’s happened all my life. I just figured if I didn’t put in the effort I’d have no friends.
I just don’t want to be alone in this world.
I’m just done, I can’t do it anymore. I don’t have the energy. I am just going to wrap up this post and put it in the past. If his parents want to reach out and mean it, great. Otherwise–whatever. I can’t go on being hurt.
bunchofmumbojumboblah
Guess it’s time to stop drinking and just go to bed. HAHA
